there is a light

Dear internet,

this is surely to be my gayest post ever. and by gay, i mean, LAME. my friend jillian, who left Austin almost 2 freaking years ago to go live in Michigan, emailed me today. when jillian left, i seriously thought part of me had fallen off- like the good part. like my right boob. when we met we clicked instantly. she was like the big sister i never had, because my mom just never gave birth to her. seriously. she is smart. she is funny. she taught me how to knit. she held my had when my jackass boyfriend broke my heart. she sat me down and made me watch endless hours of Colin and Nigella. She was the good thing for me in Austin. When she left, I dont think I ever told her how much I hated to see her go. Course, today, I think she will probably read this. She poor babied me when I bitched about work. I listened to her when she got frustrated with being a mom in the burbs. We would go to movies together. In all honesty, we werent face to face friends for that long- but it was long enough to make a lasting impression. i miss my friend. i miss her sense of style. i miss her laugh. i miss her. ok, can you tell, i am an emotional wreck. I HATE that I am not a part of her kids lives as they are growing up. anyways, i miss my friend.
i didnt realize how much i freaking miss her until about twenty minutes ago when i found the BEST red lipstick in the world and thought about her. Ok, this is lame, but it needs to be said.
last week i was driving home one morning and I drove by her street on Brodie. I literally turned into her subdivision, drove to her house and wished that she still lived there, because I thought that in her own way, she could help me make sense of this crazy mess of a life I call my own.
She emailed me today, and I just realized that no matter what happens- even if I have to move back to michigan(god forbid), i will actually have a friend there. and it will be ok.
we can be the two bitches at starbucks making fun of everyone else.

thanks jill. i know you didnt mean to- but you really helped me today.
miss you.
miss boo.