Martha's Moved....

http://notquitemartha.typepad.com/my_weblog/

Check it out...

thanksgiving nap number 1

its time.
during football.
pre turkey
post grocery shopping.
pre garden ridge three day shopping extraordinaire.


hi ho hi ho... off to nap i go....

pre-football emotions

so i am currently watching the FOX pregame show. I am BAWLING like a little girl right now. Since when did FOOTBALL become so damn emotional? I'm crying at the soldiers sending home messages to their families. I am crying at the piece about Hurricane Katrina, and frankly I am crying a little bit because Joey Harrington is the starting QB for the Lions today.

and now i must be insane, because a "Whattaburger" commercial just made me teary.

is it too early to drink?

my turkey filled thanks...

im sitting on my butt today.
watching football (go lions)
eating turkey
and mighty thankful that i am employeed, have a great family and wonderful friends.

thank you all for being in my life.. and GO LIONS

this has been brewing in my head for a while

Do you ever stop for a minute and just look in the mirror? Do you recognize the person that looks back at you? Do you like the person that you see? Is she the person that you think that you are?

Does that last sentence make sense? My life has changed EXPONENTIALLY in the past 4 months. Since August 15, 2005, my life has been turned on its axis. For the most part, things have been great. Really they have. But, like anything there has been a price.

For the first time in my life, I am finally attaining serious professional success. Its real, its been validated, and its progressing. This is what I have been working for since the minute that I stopped waiting tables full time and realized I needed to do something with my life. All of my jobs, as cool and varied as they have been, have all lead to the culmination of this job. Its a great job.

But, there is a but. There is always a but isnt there? This job, this amazing opportunity is creating change. Some days I look at it like an adventure, other days I look at it like a sentence. I work at least 10 hours a day now. That's a light day. I am getting things done. I am learning every day. On paper, this is the perfect thing for me. This is what I wanted all along. Heres where the but came in. Now that I have the professional sucess that I have been looking for, and the financial comfort that I am been striving for, I can't enjoy it. Or rather, I haven't figured out the right balance yet. I am the job. I work. I am defined by my job. I haven't been on a date in ages. I resigned from CASA last month. I should start to pack up my house. I am poised to start this awesome next chapter of my life, and it scares the living crap out of me. If this is really what I have been working for, why aren't I more excited about it? Why doesn't it feel more exciting? Why do I feel so tired?

I look back on the past 365 days. Its strange, but I can actually document so much of my life from the past year- much from this blog, others from my own journals. One year ago today, I met one of the most amazing men in my entire life. We spent probably the most wonderful week together in my life. I will seriously always smile when I look back at that time. It was a defining moment for me last year, because it reminded me that sometimes you can just "be" with a person, and it didn't matter who you are/were/or going to be. You can just find that person and smile, and dance and pretend that you have been together for ages. And then when he leaves, just smile and look forward to the next time you see him. No strings. Between you and me internet, sometimes I wish there were strings, or something that could make it different, but if I had that every day, would it have been, or would it be that good. I am sitting here right now, thinking about that night. I can remember it with absolute clarity. I hope that I will always remember that night and him.

Professionally, this year has been a roller coaster. Without going into the gory details, I have been through some awesome ups and downs. Clearly, I am on a big ole up right now- its almost hard to enjoy, because I wait for the bottom to fall out. I need to get a grip and realize that this isnt going anywhere.

Friendships, I am blessed- I am surronded by some of the most amazing people in my life. I just wish I could spend more time with each and every one of them. Seriously. I need to figure out a way to take them all to D.C. with me. They are my touchstone, and my strength. Its true- friends, good ones, will be there with you through the crap and the good stuff. Its nice to find a small group that is so wonderful.

Physically, well, this past year has been a bitch. I got old. Back to that original mirror comment- I don't even recognize myself some mornings. My face is changing. My hands are changing. I am getting in better shape than I have ever been in, but man, oh man.. its a challange. I am taking better care of myself. I drink water, whereas I used to drink, well, vodka. I finally understand the phrase "Self preservation" - they arent kidding. This upkeep stuff is important. Wish I would have figured it out a while ago.

Finally, back to the original paragraph, the "is she the person..". Hell, I don't know. My original plan was shot to hell about three times over now. Who knows what is going to happen. Maybe I will get married, maybe I won't. Maybe I will have kids, maybe I won't. One thing I am learning though, as I get older is that you really cant plan these things, and life has an amazing way of kicking you in the ass when you least expect it.

The point to this post? I don't know if there is one. Basically- life is changing, and so am I. I am not sure what is going to happen next. Sometimes I wish I could find that magic 8 ball that would help me with the probabilities, but really, would life be as much fun?

occasionally i try to be cool

and i fail. today, i tried listening to the latest "top tunes" on my launchcast.

heres what i heard...

"my humps"
"hollaback girl"
"golddigger"
"american idiot"- how is the world not tired of that song yet?
"beverly hills"- ok, i dont hate that song
and eleventy million songs by the Simpsons sisters. Hell in a handbasket. They really cant sing.

Heres what I wanted to hear. And still want to hear. I am just this lame.

I want to hear Journey. I want to hear Styxx. I want to here INXS. I want to here Depeche Mode, Cowboy Junkies, the Cure, Peter Gabriel, Elvis Costello, REM, I dont know. ANYTHING but whats new and popular today. I want to hear some good music. I want to hear something that doesnt talk about T&A. I can talk about that all by myself.

I am past the musical cool factor. I am stuck in the 80's and 90's. I am soo yesterday. But wait, thats not true at all. I like new music. I just hate mainstream music. I hate the crap that MTV pushes. I hate the things that are played on normal radio stations. I like alternative stuff. I like things that dont require commerical branding. I like "Kings of Convinence". I like "Jem"- and not the truly outrageous cartoon from the 80's. I like local Austin musicans. I like stuff that is different. Where is the originality? I mean come on Black Eyed Peas.. songs about booty- that has been done well by Sir Mix A Lot. Move on and try something new.

I want to fall in love with a musican again. I want to hear something while I am driving and say "damn I need to go buy that CD right now". That hasnt happened in soo long. And for my music loving heart that hurts.

I am about ready to break my own rule and whip out the Christmas CD's just to hear something different.

for the love of all things holy...

i need a life.

today, i have been working and reading the following blogs.


scotwhatev.blogspot.com
anonymousmidwestgirl.blogspot.com


im laughing so hard.

yes i need a life

Situational ADD

or the "i cant focus on anything today disease"

seriously- my mind is NOT where it should be today. i just want to be outside, or at home, or doing anything but what i need to be doing.

i want to rake leaves.
i want to decorate my house for the holidays--- its too early, but i am SOOOO ready.
heck, i even want to pack.

what i do not want to do.. i do not want to be productive.

too busy to blog

dear internet,

how are you? i am fine. well, thats kind of untrue. i am soo damn busy lately. been trying to balance work, home and everything else. its been insane busy.

last weekend some friends of mine from Dallas came into town. we had fun, or at least my worlds worst hangover in the history of mankind proved that I had a good time. note to all- Hornsby Cider, Frozen Margs and Vodka do not go together. at all.

sunday, i got sick. that dastardly creeping sick. i didnt even recognize it as sick, because i was so hungover. i slept all day and watched lifetime movies. i watched lots of lifetime movies because the remote was far away from the couch and i couldnt move. i learned a lot about love, divorce and stealing someones husband. a good day over all.

monday. flew to d.c. for the job. Delta Airlines, how you do me wrong. Cramped seats, stupid snacks, and layovers. Only thing good is that they serve Diet Coke products. fyi. taking nyquil before a flight makes life a lot easier.

tuesday- in d.c. had a long day at the job. got exceptionally lost on the Beltway heading to my friend Sharons house for dinner. had a few drinks and a really good dinner.

wednesday. crap day. stupid long flights. lots of flights, lots of layovers. BUT BUT BUT- i met up with a special friend who is in town for the next two weeks (ahem) and we had some drinks. (Drinks seems to be the prevailing theme for this week). Anyhoo- i realized last night that my life is really transitioning. I dont fit into my old Austin scene anymore. I dont fit into the D.C/NOVA world yet either. I am a girl without a community. But, I have CocoPuffs and I have vodka.

What more could a girl ask for?

Violent Femmes, Adult Chuck-E-Cheese and best of all...

VODKA! Last night was John-Boys 34-th birthday. Yes, I think this officially enters him into the old category. Anyhoo- we went to Dave and Busters. The best place in the land. Or thats what I was saying last night. Sometimes its just fun to go hang out with your buddies, drink, and shoot things. Without actually being a red-neck. I mean, what other place encourages you to drink, shoot people, and virtually drive? ITS AWESOME. For once, I didnt get my butt kicked playing all the games- I came in right in the middle...small victories are amazing these days.

I did realize that even as we get older, we really don't change that much. As a small kid, I loved playing all the silly arcade games that gave me useless tickets so I could redeem into some useless prize. Last night the same. Only thing that Dave and Busters doesnt have, which would make it the greatest place of all time, is the big ole ball pit. Can you imagine a bunch of slightly inebriated adults playing in the balls- no pun intended. I promise.

This morning, on my way to work- I heard Violent Femmes on our local alt station- its going to be, and has been a great day so far!!

Ode to hand lotion.....

Ok.. thats probably one of my creepier titles, but lately, I have been experiencing some dry skin. I think its age related- like the older that I get, the more moisture is being sucked out of my body.

I have become slightly obscessed with lotions. In fact, last night, whilst slathering on Bath and Body works latest confection "Vanilla Bean", I was channeling Hannibal Lector, or that other guy from Silence of the Lambs and saying "you put the lotion on the skin". I seriously have problems.

I have hand lotion, Le Couvent Des Minimes, on my desk. I have Kiehls lotions extrodinaire in my purse. I have kitchen sink appropriate lotion. I have cute spare bathroom lotion. Basically, what I am saying here- market a new lotion, and I will buy it. I am just that pathetic, bored and ashy.

I'm not really ashy- To be ashy would mean I would have to have some shred of color in my skin, which would mean I could see the daylight. Which would mean I could get a day off. But in reality, I would probably spend the day off at the mall buying more lotion.

Its tragic this screwed up way that I think.

7lbs

gone. there yesterday, gone today.

now, trust me dear internet, i am not bemoaning the fact that i lost 7lbs. in fact, i am silently cheering and eating my sugar free jello all at the same time.

how the heck does one loose 7lbs in one day? am i going to find it tomorrow on my ass?

this concerns me greatly.

it has been determined

by my friends, that my life is going to "exponentially improve" once i move to D.C.

Ahem. Seems that some of my girlfriends are less than impressed with my latest routine of work, sleep, football and more sleep. And work. And the occasional drinkathon.

They think I am going to get culture. Or a boyfriend. Or a new life.

I think I am just going to be doing the same things there that I am here. I shall work. I shall find some shitty bar, drink my vodka, and do the same things..I really am ok with that.

Santa Schmanta...

Yesterday was November 8, 2005.

I was at the mall. Against my will. I had a migraine, but had to pick something up. It was NOVEMBER 8th, and SANTA WAS PLUNKED DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MALL.

WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD WHEN SANTA IS AT THE MALL THE FIRST DAMN WEEK IN NOVEMBER.

Now, I love Christmas. I mean, love it with all my heart and soul. Love the cooking, love the decorating, love everything. But there is a time and a place, and in my world, that stuff doesnt happen till AFTER MACY'S THANKSGIVING PARADE ON THANKSGIVING.

I love Thanksgiving, I love turkey, I love Adam Sandler's turkey song. I am NOT ready for Christmas yet. SLOW DOWN WORLD, its going too damn fast.

Is this what it has come to?

My life has fallen into a pretty boring routine. Sad routine. I don't know how to fix it.

I work about eleventy million hours a week.
I go to the gym before work every morning.
By the time I get home, I am so wiped, all I can do is make a bowl of soup or cereal, read or knit for about 5 minutes and fall asleep.

On the weekends, I spend Saturday running all the errands that I didnt get to run during the week.
Sunday, I try to see everyone that I dont get to see during the week. And watch football. And do something for myself.

It's not a bad life, but I am defintally in a rut. Work is going great, but I wake up in the morning thinking about work, I work all day, and then it takes me a while to stop thinking about work when I get home.

I realize that a lot of my friendships have really been neglected over the past four months- Between work, and sleep and travel, I don't have the time or energy to really do anything else.

I haven't been on a real date in ages, but don't really see the point of going out with anyone right now since I am moving.

I guess I just feel like my life is in one gigantic holding pattern. My free time today was spent researching the best way to ship my cat from Austin to D.C. Yes, I know, it really can't get more exciting that that.

Not sure what the point is with this post, but its 9:30pm, and I am heading to bed. Yep, I am just really super excited.

I hate CATS...

and I dont mean the animals. I was just listening to my Launchcast, and a stupid, stupid song form Andrew Lloyd Webers "Cats" came on. Seriously, how many drugs was he on when he wrote that one?

I seriously HATE that one. I also cant stand Les Mis.

I love Rent, Aida, Wicked, Secret Garden, Hairspray, You're a good man charlie brown, Grease, Company, Sunday in the Park with George (my all time favorite), Amour was fun, Evita, Sunset Blvd, Moving Out...there are so many good ones. BUT I HATE CATS. Hell, A Year with Frog and Toad was even better than Cats. I love Into the Woods. I love Annie.

Sorry- just my little useless rant for the night.

November 23, 2005

I shall be at the Movie theatre. Yes, me. If you know me at all, you would know that I hate going to the movies. I am cheap. And only when it comes to the movies. I will spend 60 bucks on a facial, but I wont spend 8 bucks on a movie. Why do you ask, am I going to break my imposed movie ban?

THIS... http://www.siteforrent.com/intro.html and http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/rent/


I can barely contain myself.

Seriously.

attack of the killer candy bowl

its there.
staring at me.

the remnants of halloween- reeses peanut butter cups, nerds, hershey bars and suckers.

i must divest my house of this crap, asap, otherwise, i shall eat it all.